! My new place!

! my new apartment key!!!

! the aftermath!

! kaiten sushi! last time @ sushiro in Konan.

! riding that train

! kochino shyokudo

! Toyota City Shrine

!

children screaming

Well, as usual, the unforeseen has changed the equation. This time, rather, the forgotten has. I had forgotten about another apartment that is being offered by a company here in Nagoya that deals with foreign people, I actually know the owner of that company. It is much cheaper, but significantly less nice and in a less convenient location. I was all worried, but if worse come to worse and I do not get the apartment I applied for I will simply apply for that one, and drop a note to the owner about it. We are not friends, but he might be willing to help out a bit. The fees to get into the apartment are about 1/2 the cost of the one I applied for, and I would be in a much better position financially if I ended up there-I think I can get in for about 1500. It is in kind of a bad area, and quite old, but it is better than being homeless. I wish I had not let that one slip my mind earlier. I might have taken it instead of the one I chose-although the one I chose is really nice, and if I get it I will be very happy with my accommodations I think. We shall have to wait and see. Therefore, I am no longer freaking out, just worrying.

NIrvana eases my mind...with the help of Gin.

I like this, in some weird fucked up way. I must, I am still here. I have a broken finger. I broke it a long time ago-years I think. It still hurts. I never went to the doctor. I just deal with it. I hate going to the doctor. It is not so much that I hate the doctor. I hate admitting that I am not going to fix myself. I have ended up on the floor/bed in a doctor’s office on several occasions as a teaching tool. “This is an unusual case, you don’t usually see someone with this level of X.” At least twice this has happened, and on a few others I have simply been stared at incredulously at whatever has just left my mouth. “Yes, in fact I have been sick for two months. Yeah, it has been that color the whole time, and yes, I have had a fever.” Once I have given up all hope that I will recover without help I am more than willing to listen to ANYTHING he has to say. I have given up.

I am officially freaking the hell out. I am trying to get an apartment that will solidly wipe out any savings I had. I have no choice. I refuse to live with anyone. I hate to be with people when I don’t want to be. I need to be alone a lot. It is just the way I am built. I am 32 years old. If I can not afford my own apartment now it is time to look at other, more extreme options. I can afford it-though I did not expect to be wiped out by it. The fucked part is that I am reduced yet again to depending on the incompetence of others. This has fared me well in the past, but it is hardly optimal. I have no full time job, and my income is less than 1000. This will change as the month progresses, but that is what it is now. Unfortunately, now is when I am seeking an apartment. The whole process has left me drained, and now I am waiting to see whether they competently vette my application. I may actually have reached a bit to far this time. I may be fucked.

I have to wait until the verdict is rendered, and then I must react to it. I hate being on the reactionary side of things. I should have foreseen this, and planned accordingly. Essentially, I see this as a failure of planning. I should have been using a more formal risk management structure that would have allowed me to set out my goals, and requirements. In my defense, most people I talked to have actually missed that point as well. I am again, reaching farther than most people I know have tried. However, this is just an excuse. I should have been more organized, and less willing to consider others. If I had, as I had planned, moved by the beginning of March, I would have avoided many problems. However, my company told me this was, “inconvenient” (they did not say I could not do it), for them, and I did not push it. I should have told them to fuck the hell off. I think that is my most common mistake so far. I need to be more proactive. I need to strike when the iron is hot, and fuck everyone else around me. I have learned this lesson twice now in Japan. Holding MY schedule off to the benefit of others does not end up well for me. In this case, it has not end up badly…yet, but it may. I should have gone with my original instinct and moved when the mood struck me. People and companies especially are not your friends. You must ignore them; you must seek self interest. A laser focus on your best option is the way to succeed. I will try harder in this regard. I must like it here, I am not leaving.

I will be spending nearly 6000 in the next two to three weeks. I am feeling a bit stressed! My apartment looks like it is going to cost 3000 to move in, and my tuition is 3000 as well. I am stressed.....